1800 and holding.........

WOW to be at 1800 files and know that we are just 34 away is so exciting yet so frustrating. I really thought that the closer we came to our file number the easier it would be, but I am finding that it is the other way around.

I find myself constantly checking my emails to see if we received any new word from our agency or any Nepali friends, and I am checking my phone as well to see if we have missed any calls.

I did get an interesting email today from a lady how works in the China adoption area. She was speaking about families that came to adopt and had no clue about the adoption process as far as what the orphanage was like, what life for their child had been like and what to TRULY expect when they were given their child to care for.
I have read several books and magazines and spoken to people, I feel like I know a little about what to expect, but just like giving birth the first time, you really don't know what to expect until you are going through it. It is excellent to be prepared for what could happen, but because you are dealing with a human being and as they are all different, you can never know how they will react to different events that happen, to different surroundings that you place them in, or different stimuli you allow to flood over them.

I want to be prepared but not overly prepared. I want to know what can happen and what are some good ideas to have to react to them, but I also want to rely on my mothering instincts. I believe that I have great mothering instincts and we will go from there.

These adoptive parents that are going to China only go once. We adoptive parents going to Nepal get to go twice. There has been much debate about this practice, I for one believe it to be a wonderful chance to get to know my child, see her at an early age, take her photo, hug her and laugh with her, even if it is for only 6-10 days. Those moments and memories are worth so much and hopefully will be for her as well. For me, it has made waiting that much easier, not harder. I know where she lives, who is taking care of her, when I think of her I can truly picture her sweet face, where she sleeps and who is most likely holding her. These are all very comforting to me. Don't get me wrong it was sooooooo painful to leave her there. If it weren't for my two sons at home I would not have come back to the States.

It is Christmas, or it will be in a few days. I so wanted Sujina to be with us by now. We are so very close, this has been one amazing journey so far. I am very excited for the next part of the story.

Hopefully the more exciting part will start soon.

Namaste

A rollercoaster ride......

So here we are again. Feelings are going around and around, up and down. Yesterday I was informed that the committee coordinator, Mr.Adhakari, had been hosptiatlized and had undergone surgery. They said he will be out for 2-3 weeks. Not the best of news considering the committe had not met and had not reviewed any new files so they were still on 1760. The Ministery Secretary has the final signature for the adoption process in Nepal and he has been out of the country for a week or so, and has not been signing off on any files. They sit and pile up.....

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was very depressed and very saddened. I know that I will get Sujina and I know we will be traveling but when it seems just days away and then you are told it could be weeks or months that is very disheartening. To know that she is growing and changing daily and I am not there to see and be a part of is very frustrating.

Paul reminded me that we are very blessed and have many things in our lives to be happy about and grateful for. This is true. I just have to look up and see my two boys to remember that.

Just when you think that your problems are the hardest in the world or at least in your circle, God sends you a message that yours are not. I recieved a beautiful Christmas card from a friend remembering her husband who passed away this summer, leaving her a single mom with two small girls.

We have set backs but it is not the end of the world, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I recieved another email from Eric at Faith and he said that the committee met and cleared a record 40 files in one day!!!! That brings the files up to 1800! We are now only 34 away. If they can meet again and do another 40 we are off to Nepal. So I am now on cloud 9!!! We still need the Secretary to sign them but I am renewed with HOPE!

So this is adoption international.... things change on a dime.

Thanks for all of your support and prayers we are getting there.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.......

Here we sit, starting the second week of Dec. and we have not heard much this month. Paul wrote in his dayplanner for us to be traveling next week. I am keeping my fingers crossed. We are still making Christmas plans and plans for Becks birthday (Dec. 29th) but in the back of my mind I am always hoping that we will be traveling during this time.

It still seems a little sureal to me. Am I really going to have a little girl? Am I really going to have three children to love and cherish? It is like I had a dream about going to Nepal, holding the most beautiful little girl, her smiling up at me and then her slowly, slowly slipping away, off into the distance to where we could just see a shadow of a person. I know someone is there but I am just not sure who it is.

How will it be when we bring her home? Will she adjust well to our home, our lifestyle, our boys, us? Will she be happy?

How will I adjust? How will my boys adjust? Will they accept her into our home like the sister that she is? How will I protect her from hurtful people? How will I protect her from hurtful comments?

I feel like a first time mom.

But wait.... I am.

We miss you Sujina, come home to us soon.

Stephanie

54 away.......

Well we heard yesterday from Eric at Faith that the ministry had worked through file number 1780. That is great news. We are still hoping for a trip in Dec. so please keep that in your thoughts as well. We also learned that Sujina did indeed have chicken pox, but seems to be doing well and did not have them very bad or for very long. We were sent some photos and she looks good.

They say she is crawling now and can sit up unassisted. I just wonder how the boys are going to deal with that!!! Sounds fun.

I guess my concern now is what the US Embassy's hours will be during the US holiday of Christmas and New Years. As my father would say, " Dont borrow trouble" but I can't help to think that we will be in Kathmandu then.

It is snowing here, Rowe (four year old) always said that we would go get Sujina when it snowed. So of course I want to go get her now!! We started putting Beck in the bunkbed under Rowe. He seems to like it alot. His quality of sleep sure has improved. I am hoping he will get used to this and be adjusted when Sujina comes home. Although both boys end up in bed with us by morning, lately they haven't been coming in until 4-5am. Believe it our not that is wonderful.

We all got our Flu shots last Tuesday so Paul and I are ready to face what may come. I sure would like to have my little girl back to get her shots to be ready to face the winter months.

We have also been talking about what to do for Beck's birthday, Dec. 29th, whether to have it here in Fayetteville or at the Farm. If Paul and I are here we will have a little party for him here in Fayetteville with a few friends. It will depend on who is in town as well.

So we will be hoping for 54 files to be processed and signed by mid Dec. Fingers crossed, well wishes, prayers what ever you can do do it please!!!

in the mean time.....

Meeting Sujina in Kathmandu

chicken pox anyone????

Well, we recieved an email from our agency saying that the baby room where Sujina is has Chicken Pox! Neither Rowe nor Beck have had chicken pox so I am not sure what Sujina is going through nor do I know what should be done, not that I have any control over that. VERY FRUSTRATING!!!! I know Children's Home is doing all they can and will be taking great care of the babies during this illness, but I hate the fact that she is sick and I am not there to comfort and nurture her.

The good news is that the file numbers have moved to 1738 so we are getting closer. I guess there were a few files with paper issues; missing, insufficient etc... so I just keep my fingers crossed that we have everything in our file that we need. One person on NChild was saying because of the High Season - trekking- in Nepal at this time, flights in and out of the country are booked!

So again, I guess there are good reasons we are not going at this point in time.

Slow coming....

It is Nov. 15th and we have not heard any news from Nepal regarding file numbers and what the Ministry is doing this week. One hundred files sounds like a lot but lately they have been getting through 20-30 a week so we will see what this means. Paul and I would love to be in Nepal mid Dec. that is what we are putting out to the universe, we will just have to see what happens.

We are both feeling that the time with just two kids is coming to a close, it is a wonderful feeling and a scary feeling all at the same time. I think the boys are feeling that something big is going to happen soon. I wake up at night wondering how I am going to fit three little bodies in to my bed at night. What wonderful things to have to worry about. ;)

Sujina seems so close yet so far away. I want to go out and start buying her clothes; sweaters, shoes, tights but I know I need to wait. Everything during this process has gone so smoothly, it has all happend just at the right times for us and so I just have to remember to have FAITH and to let go.

I have joined a websight called NChild. It is for people that have adopted, who are looking to adopt and who are in the process of adopting from Nepal. I have found it extremely helpful hearing other peoples experiences, timelines, frustrations, joys etc.....

My experience so far has been wonderful, we could not have asked for a better agency, Faith International, nor could we have been given a more beautiful daughter. We feel very blessed.

More soon......

File number 1834

Well it is Nov. 8th 2006 and we heard today that the Nepal Ministry of Child welfare had made it through to file 1710. We are getting closer and closer. We just have to keep our fingers crossed and keep praying.