1800 and holding.........

WOW to be at 1800 files and know that we are just 34 away is so exciting yet so frustrating. I really thought that the closer we came to our file number the easier it would be, but I am finding that it is the other way around.

I find myself constantly checking my emails to see if we received any new word from our agency or any Nepali friends, and I am checking my phone as well to see if we have missed any calls.

I did get an interesting email today from a lady how works in the China adoption area. She was speaking about families that came to adopt and had no clue about the adoption process as far as what the orphanage was like, what life for their child had been like and what to TRULY expect when they were given their child to care for.
I have read several books and magazines and spoken to people, I feel like I know a little about what to expect, but just like giving birth the first time, you really don't know what to expect until you are going through it. It is excellent to be prepared for what could happen, but because you are dealing with a human being and as they are all different, you can never know how they will react to different events that happen, to different surroundings that you place them in, or different stimuli you allow to flood over them.

I want to be prepared but not overly prepared. I want to know what can happen and what are some good ideas to have to react to them, but I also want to rely on my mothering instincts. I believe that I have great mothering instincts and we will go from there.

These adoptive parents that are going to China only go once. We adoptive parents going to Nepal get to go twice. There has been much debate about this practice, I for one believe it to be a wonderful chance to get to know my child, see her at an early age, take her photo, hug her and laugh with her, even if it is for only 6-10 days. Those moments and memories are worth so much and hopefully will be for her as well. For me, it has made waiting that much easier, not harder. I know where she lives, who is taking care of her, when I think of her I can truly picture her sweet face, where she sleeps and who is most likely holding her. These are all very comforting to me. Don't get me wrong it was sooooooo painful to leave her there. If it weren't for my two sons at home I would not have come back to the States.

It is Christmas, or it will be in a few days. I so wanted Sujina to be with us by now. We are so very close, this has been one amazing journey so far. I am very excited for the next part of the story.

Hopefully the more exciting part will start soon.

Namaste