1800 and holding.........

WOW to be at 1800 files and know that we are just 34 away is so exciting yet so frustrating. I really thought that the closer we came to our file number the easier it would be, but I am finding that it is the other way around.

I find myself constantly checking my emails to see if we received any new word from our agency or any Nepali friends, and I am checking my phone as well to see if we have missed any calls.

I did get an interesting email today from a lady how works in the China adoption area. She was speaking about families that came to adopt and had no clue about the adoption process as far as what the orphanage was like, what life for their child had been like and what to TRULY expect when they were given their child to care for.
I have read several books and magazines and spoken to people, I feel like I know a little about what to expect, but just like giving birth the first time, you really don't know what to expect until you are going through it. It is excellent to be prepared for what could happen, but because you are dealing with a human being and as they are all different, you can never know how they will react to different events that happen, to different surroundings that you place them in, or different stimuli you allow to flood over them.

I want to be prepared but not overly prepared. I want to know what can happen and what are some good ideas to have to react to them, but I also want to rely on my mothering instincts. I believe that I have great mothering instincts and we will go from there.

These adoptive parents that are going to China only go once. We adoptive parents going to Nepal get to go twice. There has been much debate about this practice, I for one believe it to be a wonderful chance to get to know my child, see her at an early age, take her photo, hug her and laugh with her, even if it is for only 6-10 days. Those moments and memories are worth so much and hopefully will be for her as well. For me, it has made waiting that much easier, not harder. I know where she lives, who is taking care of her, when I think of her I can truly picture her sweet face, where she sleeps and who is most likely holding her. These are all very comforting to me. Don't get me wrong it was sooooooo painful to leave her there. If it weren't for my two sons at home I would not have come back to the States.

It is Christmas, or it will be in a few days. I so wanted Sujina to be with us by now. We are so very close, this has been one amazing journey so far. I am very excited for the next part of the story.

Hopefully the more exciting part will start soon.

Namaste

A rollercoaster ride......

So here we are again. Feelings are going around and around, up and down. Yesterday I was informed that the committee coordinator, Mr.Adhakari, had been hosptiatlized and had undergone surgery. They said he will be out for 2-3 weeks. Not the best of news considering the committe had not met and had not reviewed any new files so they were still on 1760. The Ministery Secretary has the final signature for the adoption process in Nepal and he has been out of the country for a week or so, and has not been signing off on any files. They sit and pile up.....

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I was very depressed and very saddened. I know that I will get Sujina and I know we will be traveling but when it seems just days away and then you are told it could be weeks or months that is very disheartening. To know that she is growing and changing daily and I am not there to see and be a part of is very frustrating.

Paul reminded me that we are very blessed and have many things in our lives to be happy about and grateful for. This is true. I just have to look up and see my two boys to remember that.

Just when you think that your problems are the hardest in the world or at least in your circle, God sends you a message that yours are not. I recieved a beautiful Christmas card from a friend remembering her husband who passed away this summer, leaving her a single mom with two small girls.

We have set backs but it is not the end of the world, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I recieved another email from Eric at Faith and he said that the committee met and cleared a record 40 files in one day!!!! That brings the files up to 1800! We are now only 34 away. If they can meet again and do another 40 we are off to Nepal. So I am now on cloud 9!!! We still need the Secretary to sign them but I am renewed with HOPE!

So this is adoption international.... things change on a dime.

Thanks for all of your support and prayers we are getting there.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.......

Here we sit, starting the second week of Dec. and we have not heard much this month. Paul wrote in his dayplanner for us to be traveling next week. I am keeping my fingers crossed. We are still making Christmas plans and plans for Becks birthday (Dec. 29th) but in the back of my mind I am always hoping that we will be traveling during this time.

It still seems a little sureal to me. Am I really going to have a little girl? Am I really going to have three children to love and cherish? It is like I had a dream about going to Nepal, holding the most beautiful little girl, her smiling up at me and then her slowly, slowly slipping away, off into the distance to where we could just see a shadow of a person. I know someone is there but I am just not sure who it is.

How will it be when we bring her home? Will she adjust well to our home, our lifestyle, our boys, us? Will she be happy?

How will I adjust? How will my boys adjust? Will they accept her into our home like the sister that she is? How will I protect her from hurtful people? How will I protect her from hurtful comments?

I feel like a first time mom.

But wait.... I am.

We miss you Sujina, come home to us soon.

Stephanie